My Mind

Im writing this to distract myself.

I didn’t sleep well last night and have felt anxious and awkward and just generally blah since getting up. I went to the supermarket. Couldn’t settle. I then went to Fountain Gate to kill some time. Felt like I was being stared at so came home. Still couldn’t settle. So now Im just trying the usual housework, telly, vague house wandering, social media etc. to distract my overactive mind and keep the anxious and stressy thoughts and feelings at bay.

The key is keeping busy I guess. But sometimes not even that helps. I would love a switch for my mind. On. Off. Perfect.

The thoughts and feelings take many shapes and forms. Feelings of worthlessness, feeling I wouldn’t be missed, guilt – about everything, wondering if I will ever be content, successful. Financial thoughts and worries crop up. Then there is the comparing to others – their lives, their looks, their personalities. I could end up sad, angry, jealous, melancholy, or just plain flat – experiencing all of the above. Reliving the past might occur – what I could have changed, done differently. Thinking of those people who are no longer with me, missing them, regretting things, ruing things. I try not to think of the future – that never ends well. Its too unclear and I cannot find a path that settles me. As yet. Hopefully I can get some focus and clarity regarding that aspect soon.

I just hope for the day to pass quickly. So I can go to bed and start a new day tomorrow. Not a nice feeling wishing the day away, but luckily its not every day I feel like this.

4 thoughts on “My Mind

  1. Fen

    Aw honey, I hear ya. I use a lot of distraction myself, but sometimes it just becomes overwhelming. I’ve learned not to stress about things I have no control over, it’s difficult but it can be done (kinda!). I also try to live in the moment as much as I can, because you can’t change the past and you can’t control the future. Invest your energy in the here and now. I read an interesting book that clarified a lot of stuff for me, you can borrow it if you’re interested – “This is How – Help for the Self” by Augusten Burroughs. I don’t necessarily agree with it all and I’m not a massive fan of self help books, but a lot of what he said makes sense.

    Reply
    1. remembertopause Post author

      Thanks for the advice 🙂 I will google the book and let you know! Im all good now – just a bit overwhelmed this morning. Think from being tired and all. Its so frustrating when I don’t know why its happening and cant seem to overcome it! Least I get a tidy house or a good workout! Haha x

      Reply

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