Guilt, motivation and everything in between

So this is my therapy today. My attempt to get it out. To exorcise my bad thoughts and emotions.

Let me set the scene. I’m feeling pretty crappy this afternoon. Sitting here stewing and stressing and getting more and more worked up. I’m putting it down to feeling my go-to emotion, guilt, about being lazy with university last week. Now Im feeling all sorts of stressed about falling behind. And generally just being a sucky student.

And I’m angry at myself. And that turns into a bit of self hate and further self sabotage. I know I need to keep up. I know I need to keep on top so it doesn’t pile up and overwhelm me completely. It’s threatening to, only mentally, at the moment. The over-thinking shit is definitely in overdrive. I’ve been further behind and caught up – so I know I can do that. Next week is mid trimester break so I have time where I can catch up.

I’ve just lost interest at the moment. That makes things really tough. Before I was behind and interested and motivated. Now I’m behind and disinterested and unmotivated. See my problem? lol Gah!

I’m hoping it’s just a case of christmas holiday mode starting early and I can get the motivation back soon. I figure if I get bored enough over the chrissy period, it will be a welcome time-filler!!

I’m trying to reason with myself. Trying to see it all in black and white, objectively. A bit of self reflection and the clarity slowly starts to seep back. I have an assignment due next monday and an online presentation to do on Wednesday. Once they are done, hopefully I can have a little break and get back on my horse. Play the catch up game, yet again!! Haha I’m good like that :/

  • ~Guilt~ (polynirvana.wordpress.com)

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