Catching up

Well, well, well. I have been slack haven’t I?

I do not even know where to start. I have a swirling mind full of things, in no discernible order or sequence.

I’m back to just floating, job-wise and study-wise. I withdrew from my final psychology subject – and then, of course, the very next day I received an offer of honours based on successful completion of said subject :/ Meh is my only response to that. I might go back to psychology one day. I figure if I can get an honours offer once, I can do it again. Yes? That makes sense, right? But the hurdle after 4th year is Masters etc, which I would have no hope of gaining entry to with my current marks. We shall see.

In the meantime, I had applied to, and was accepted to do a counselling course at Deakin. It runs after hours and part time. Not ideal. Not even sure I will do that yet. I just don’t know. I’m also toying with social work and speech pathology.

Im tutoring and casual teaching. Not loving it. It’s just my means of income.

I have the largest urge to run away again. If I didn’t have Murphy, I would be in London right now. Or travelling there. I just want out and away – the other side of the world seems ideal. In front of an open fire or walking along the Thames, drinking coffee and wandering with strangers.

As you can see, I’m a flight type personality haha Fleeing and burying my head in the sand is what I do well.

Floating. Waiting for a sign, the way, just something. I guess it’s probably the worst way I can handle things, and should be proactive, but I just can’t bring myself to at the moment. I wish I had a fairy godmother to guide my way. Fix my lost. Guide me.

And of course this time of year brings out all the feels. I could happily sleep until new years. I’m just feeling lonely I think, which is not normally an issue I have to deal with. I can handle my own company. Maybe I’m ready to not be alone…gasp!! Find that person who I can relate to, who can relate to me and ‘who wants to hang out all the time and thinks I’m the best person in the world and wants to have sex with only me.’ I love Girls 🙂 So much relatable!!

Maybe 2015 will be the year I escape my demons, my ex and get myself out there and meeting new people and looking. And possibly finding. Possibly 🙂

Get through. That is my current motto. Just get through.

I have returned to the gym! Yay me. It helps the mind I think. The mind and the body. My ass is looking better and less saggy!! Haha Booyah!! I guess this is helping the self issues. All the goddamn self issues!

I think I really need to start using this as a regular outlet – like I said, plenty of swirly things happening in my head. The extra, really lost sensation has returned and getting it all out and writing it down might help me make some sense. Find a direction, a path, a way.

I can’t keep going like this – the end point will not be pretty. It’s all very well to take time out to figure shit, but there comes a point – usually financial – where decisions have to be made. I’ve been very indulgent with my life of late and need to decide on things, one way or another.

 

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