Well, the new year is upon us. A time to reflect? Celebrate? Reminisce? All over the above plus many other things I would suggest.
Its been another ‘meh’ year for me, a lost year. I haven’t achieved a lot career-wise or study-wise. I haven’t found a direction.
I’ve been pretty low but I’ve managed to pull myself up from that of late, which, I guess, is a celebration for me. As small as it may seem in the scheme of things. I had allowed myself to sink pretty low. Physically and mentally hurting and poisoning myself. Shutting myself in, locking others out. I’m back at the gym, eating properly and not putting bad things in my body. Hopefully this time I can sustain it. Although, cycles appear to be my modus operandi. I need to learn from my mistakes. Im slowly understanding and implementing that.
I currently have no goals or plans in place for 2015. I love playing the ostrich! I’m kind of frustrated and already accepting of another lost and wandering year. I have deferred my final psychology unit and accepted a place in a counselling course. Not even sure I will do that. I will continue with casual teaching work and tutoring. Both which are uninspiring and unfulfilling and rather fill me with dread when I think of going back to them after holidays.
I am dreaming of leaving. I just want to go away. I want to go to the UK for a period of time. I need change and the UK is my go-to place and seems as good a place as any. I cannot get a working visa though. They don’t want me! Sob sob. Id make such a great Brit I reckon – I adore the weather, the culture, everything about the UK! I’ve invited a few Englishmen to marry me (and had an offer from a lovely female friend hehe) but to no avail. Im almost considering just going over on a 6 month holiday visa, but again, the money. I will bankrupt myself very soon. Very very soon.
But on the other hand, I don’t plan on living to be old, so why shouldn’t I just spend all my money now?! I want to live while I’m young, enjoy it and just stop when I’ve had enough. But that’s a whole other philosophy of mine. A whole other blog post. Not as morbid as it sounds, don’t worry 😛
So I guess that’s my current stream of unconscious rambling. Of course I had to do a fucking New Year’s Eve post!! Such a sheep.
Enjoy the day and night kids – partake in some good food and wine and friends. Think of those not with us. Shed a tear if you need. I may. Deal with tonight and tomorrow as best you can – I know it will be hard for some.