Current dilemma

So I tutor. Students. After school and on Saturdays. I was contacted by a tutoring company, offered a job and given clients. I am classified as a ‘subcontractor’. I get a flat $30 an hour, but looking on their website, some clients pay $70 an hour for their tutoring session!

I was told they will OFFER me clients up to 45 minutes away from home. I have been GIVEN students – not OFFERED. I have to claim petrol etc. I travel 30/40 minutes for some jobs. I hate travelling.

From about six pays, two have been messed up. To be fair, not entirely their fault, but still.

I don’t really like the people who hired me – they seem a bit ‘dodgy’ almost. I’m not sure why I think this. I have nothing substantial to back this up. Just a gut feeling. You know?

After this happened, I advertised and got some private clients. Closer to me, which I charge more money for.

Consequently I am a bit overloaded with clients, casual teaching and university and so what Im wondering, is why I feel unable to tell them I want to drop the furtherest away clients. I have no contract that says I have to stay. I think it is my own fear of being judged by them and my desire to want to do good by everyone else.

I really really really just want to be selfish, do good for ME and be more ruthless in looking after myself, without the after feelings of guilt and feeling like I have let people down.

I started reflecting on this and how it seems to happen a lot. I have managed to work myself up into a real state over it. I hate feeling trapped and stuck – if I stay with my company clients, I am doing the ‘right’ thing by the company – who, lets be honest, I don’t really owe anything to. More importantly, I am also letting the children and their parents down. But if I ask to drop some clients, I feel guilty that I have let them down and what will they think of me? I cant seem to win. I feel shit whichever route I decide to take.

I do this far too often – I have decisions to make and either alternative will end up making me feel horrible. Am I being too nice? Is this normal? Do people have this dilemma running through their heads every time they need to make a decision?

I emailed them earlier and explained my thoughts. They rang me. I didn’t answer. I’m currently debating whether I can be bothered in dealing with it today or wait until tomorrow. If I wait, it will sit with me all night. I’m already feeling sick and angry at the world. Grrrrrr

Do I ring them back and be assertive and strong and just say, ‘too bad. Im dropping those clients’. More than likely, I will ring them back and allow them to talk me into keeping things as they are and have no time for my private clients :-/ Yes, that seems the likely scenario.

Fuck.

Any advice?

8 thoughts on “Current dilemma

  1. theentiretyoflife

    Maybe give them a date and say ‘after this time (is there a suitable ‘end of term’ date?) I will be unable to continue with these clients?’ You’re not leaving them in the lurch but you’ve been assertive!

    Reply
    1. remembertopause Post author

      Thanks for the reply and suggestion. I was thinking the same thing, and here it is christmas holidays, just before the students go into their new grades, so I figured the start of a new school year would be ideal if they were going to have to swap tutors. I need to be more assertive. I have it haha

      Reply
  2. Leenie (@LovingLeenie)

    You have too much on your plate. You need to figure a way to make time for yourself, and by letting go of the clients who take up your most time – travel wise- will be the best solution. Also you have a huge year of study this year that you want to get a head start on.
    It isn’t personal. It’s practical. And achievable. You can do it!
    (This is your subconscious speaking)

    Love Leenie. x

    Reply
    1. remembertopause Post author

      Hahaha thanks for taking the time to read and reply. I do have lots on my plate, but I just need to balance it all. Not even sure what I will do at uni this year – Ive been accepted into a new counselling course! Which runs at night – of course!! Ugh. I hate adulting and making decisions. I rang her and laid it all out and she said she would look at hiring another tutor for the far away ppl and asked me to try to fit my private clients in on a Saturday. Compromise I guess. But that leaves me with no free nights and Saturday booked up. Ugh, not sure I like that either haha Anyway, thats enough for now. Im stopping thinking….NOW!!! x

      Reply
  3. angelicdarkness70

    My advice, look after yourself, and learn to trust your gut instincts. Nip it in the
    bud, tell them if you hadn’t already how you feel, and if they don’t like it, the
    hell with them. Find clients closer to you and set your own rates if you decide
    to quite the company. I wish you luck! You’re not the only one who over things
    things and don’t want to be more assertive;)

    Reply
    1. remembertopause Post author

      Thanks – you give great advice!! Haha I told them how I am feeling and they said they’d do what they can to help as they don’t want me getting that unhappy that I quit! So phew. They mentioned hiring a new teacher to tutor the further away students. Hopefully it will all work out eventually.

      Reply
  4. Fen

    You need to do what’s right for you. Your life = your decisions.
    This is the perfect time of year for changing things, let them know you’ll be finishing up on X date and move on. Don’t over think things x

    Reply
  5. remembertopause Post author

    Thanks. Yes, more assertiveness required haha They are going to try and hire another teacher for the far away places. But god knows how long that will take. I’ve laid it all out for them, and we are going to chat again next week. I’ll just keep pushing for that new teacher or else I’ll tell them I will be finishing up those areas at the end of term. I always overthink things lol x

    Reply

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