It’s one of those days. I have all the anxiety. And for no good reason.
I guess there are really two types of anxiety – those with good reason and those without. I very rarely have a reason to be anxious, but I guess my mind decides to wind itself up in knots and worry anyway.
I believe I always have anxiety, it is just at various strengths and debilitations.
I’m starting to get over it very, very quickly of late – so so so sick of worrying and having that heavy ball of stress in the pit of my stomach. I am going to investigate anti anxiety medications. I’ve been thinking about going back to my doctor and explaining all this, which I guess will be followed by another referral to a psych. I just want some relief, some downtime, time to not worry and think and overthink and rethink and then start all over again. I just want a quiet mind, a calm mind.
I saw a psych a couple of years ago for my “career crisis”, but I don’t think she really helped me. It was only 6 or 8 sessions, so Im hesitant to say it’s all bollocks. I’d probably need to try another psych to form any sort of opinion. Ad follow through with therapy. And then again, its all money! Hello financial anxiety!
I’ve been to the gym this morning. That used to work to calm me. It still does sometimes, but not as often as I’d like. I’m thinking about shopping the anxiety away but that means I will spend money I don’t have and have to lock the cat inside, which I feel guilty about as he loves being outside and I have to lock him in so often when I’m out for work! Ugh, see how I can anxiety-up anything? Haha You name it, I can figure out a way to stress about it!
The root of it all? I guess still the career crisis. I’m not happy doing what I’m doing. I dread it. All the time. I still have no idea what to do. Just coasting. Hoping something will fall in my lap or I will have a lightbulb moment. It’s been 2-ish years now, so it’s clearly not going to happen that way, eh?
I have tried proactivity. Didn’t pan out. I dunno. I’ll just continue on a bit longer, I guess. I can hear you all sighing and berating me in your heads…”go out there and do something about it, find a job doing what you like”. Problem is, I have no idea what I like. No passion. No joy. No enthusiasm.
Ugh. Im sick of typing and thinking about it. The end.