It’s one of those days. I have all the anxiety. And for no good reason.

I guess there are really two types of anxiety – those with good reason and those without. I very rarely have a reason to be anxious, but I guess my mind decides to wind itself up in knots and worry anyway.

I believe I always have anxiety, it is just at various strengths and debilitations.

I’m starting to get over it very, very quickly of late – so so so sick of worrying and having that heavy ball of stress in the pit of my stomach. I am going to investigate anti anxiety medications. I’ve been thinking about going back to my doctor and explaining all this, which I guess will be followed by another referral to a psych. I just want some relief, some downtime, time to not worry and think and overthink and rethink and then start all over again. I just want a quiet mind, a calm mind.

I saw a psych a couple of years ago for my “career crisis”, but I don’t think she really helped me. It was only 6 or 8 sessions, so Im hesitant to say it’s all bollocks. I’d probably need to try another psych to form any sort of opinion. Ad follow through with therapy. And then again, its all money! Hello financial anxiety!

I’ve been to the gym this morning. That used to work to calm me. It still does sometimes, but not as often as I’d like. I’m thinking about shopping the anxiety away but that means I will spend money I don’t have and have to lock the cat inside, which I feel guilty about as he loves being outside and I have to lock him in so often when I’m out for work! Ugh, see how I can anxiety-up anything? Haha You name it, I can figure out a way to stress about it!

The root of it all? I guess still the career crisis. I’m not happy doing what I’m doing. I dread it. All the time. I still have no idea what to do. Just coasting. Hoping something will fall in my lap or I will have a lightbulb moment. It’s been 2-ish years now, so it’s clearly not going to happen that way, eh?

I have tried proactivity. Didn’t pan out. I dunno. I’ll just continue on a bit longer, I guess. I can hear you all sighing and berating me in your heads…”go out there and do something about it, find a job doing what you like”. Problem is, I have no idea what I like. No passion. No joy. No enthusiasm.

Ugh. Im sick of typing and thinking about it. The end.

4 thoughts on “Anxiety

  1. angelicdarkness70

    I use to go to therapy for anxiety and past issues I needed to come to
    terms with, and in my personal experience, ALL of them was BS…and I won’t
    ever go to another one. I started going to church, found my own voice,
    became more assertive, self assured, confident, and it worked for
    me, BUT everyone needs to find what works for them and their
    own personal needs. I do take medicine too. I pushed, and took
    little steps. Just have faith and believe in yourself:)

    1. remembertopause Post author

      Thanks πŸ™‚ Ive been put on meds and seeing a counsellor in a couple of weeks. Ive had counselling before – not sure it did anything, but I will give it one more go. Hopefully I can lower the anxiety and get on with things πŸ™‚

  2. Fen

    Find someone that does ACT or DBT rather than take meds. You need to learn mindfulness and anxiety decreasing exercises. It’s not easy and requires working at it, but it can be done.

    1. remembertopause Post author

      Im doing both. Dr has put me on meds and Im off to a counsellor week after next. Im just so mentally exhausted from the worrying – its out of control atm. We’ll see how it goes πŸ™‚


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