Category Archives: Flaws

The Christmas Edition

Well, it has been a long time between drinks.

I think the blog only comes to pass when I have too much crap in my head and nowhere else for it to go. I have been feeling okay lately I guess (I think what I have been feeling is called ‘okay’ – small bouts of good even!)

But the lead-up to Christmas has brought me right back down – expressly, the people I don’t have. Since seeing tat bloody psychiatrist, my awareness of people I don’t have has only grown. Ugh, Im not even ready to blog about this today.

New topic!

I’ve finally found about my first ever hobby – sewing! It’s quite amusing to me as Mum liked to sew and knit and every other arty/crafty thing and I would never have a bar of it. I’ve started making sensory fidget toys in the form of fiddle bags – Spot This! Sensory Fiddle Bags. I’m selling at markets, which I don’t love and is a real struggle some days to actually interact with people and sell stuff, as well as online. I’m getting quite good feedback from customers on them, which has helped to build my confidence in the, But still, fuck its hard to accept a compliment.

I need some new products too now, so Im planning on perfecting a couple of new things over the holidays, ready for the first markets of 2017.

Um what else? Circling back to people I don’t have, the bff is missing in action as he’s too damn obsessed with the new boyfriend and it has finally shattered with another so-called ‘friend’. Im done with her passive-aggressive game playing and juvenile behaviour *wipes hands*. My small circle has lost 2 and seems extra small.

That’s all for now. I’m sick of talking about the feels and stuff.

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Walls

So I have walls. Emotional blockages keeping you out. Keeping you at arms length.

I’m not sure why really. To avoid any inevitable pain and hurt is probably the main culprit. I’m just emotionally stunted perhaps. I’ve tried psychoanalysing – to a degree.

It’s not something I want to keep as part of me, so I am slowly trying to remove the walls, bit by bit, here and there. Letting in a select few. Trying to not spook and freak out when I do let the walls down. It’s hard though. But then again I guess all things that will benefit you are hard to do, eh?!

I struggle with giving any of myself, giving personal information, sharing anything deep, selfies! Haha The vulnerability is palpable! I feel so exposed.

But I will keep persevering 🙂 Keep an eye out for any cracks or lack of wall that you may come across. And please, be gentle with me!