Tag Archives: Mental health

Today

Today has had a rough start. It’s the first day of school, which always gets me, and which I had forgotten always gets me! I guess I still identify as a teacher (well, I am, aren’t I?) and the first day back proves I am still in limbo – I’m not in a classroom setting up my year, being a productive member of society, but sitting home feeling useless and nothing and with no direction or money or point.

Blah.

I have done the old loud music trick – Jebediah at the moment. Good memories from these songs, of better times. And keeping busy – shopping, restocking  my pills, making bone broth, setting myself up with proper food, washing, tidying.

ALL THE RIGHT THINGS, EH EXPERTS!?!?!?!

🙂

I messaged my friend who goes through similar things and he’s such a sweetheart, he knows. Things I can say to him only, but not others. This shit is really only understood by people who have experienced it. These people get it. He’s the only one who sees my true head and heart, and only at a distance unfortunately. He drinks to keep sane. I can’t do that. I would really like to take the old cigarettes back up though.

I think everything is further compounded by me being sick. I’ve had a virus hanging on for a few days now and I’m over it! Grrrrr

But I’m trying Ringo, I’m really trying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Catching up

Well, well, well. I have been slack haven’t I?

I do not even know where to start. I have a swirling mind full of things, in no discernible order or sequence.

I’m back to just floating, job-wise and study-wise. I withdrew from my final psychology subject – and then, of course, the very next day I received an offer of honours based on successful completion of said subject :/ Meh is my only response to that. I might go back to psychology one day. I figure if I can get an honours offer once, I can do it again. Yes? That makes sense, right? But the hurdle after 4th year is Masters etc, which I would have no hope of gaining entry to with my current marks. We shall see.

In the meantime, I had applied to, and was accepted to do a counselling course at Deakin. It runs after hours and part time. Not ideal. Not even sure I will do that yet. I just don’t know. I’m also toying with social work and speech pathology.

Im tutoring and casual teaching. Not loving it. It’s just my means of income.

I have the largest urge to run away again. If I didn’t have Murphy, I would be in London right now. Or travelling there. I just want out and away – the other side of the world seems ideal. In front of an open fire or walking along the Thames, drinking coffee and wandering with strangers.

As you can see, I’m a flight type personality haha Fleeing and burying my head in the sand is what I do well.

Floating. Waiting for a sign, the way, just something. I guess it’s probably the worst way I can handle things, and should be proactive, but I just can’t bring myself to at the moment. I wish I had a fairy godmother to guide my way. Fix my lost. Guide me.

And of course this time of year brings out all the feels. I could happily sleep until new years. I’m just feeling lonely I think, which is not normally an issue I have to deal with. I can handle my own company. Maybe I’m ready to not be alone…gasp!! Find that person who I can relate to, who can relate to me and ‘who wants to hang out all the time and thinks I’m the best person in the world and wants to have sex with only me.’ I love Girls 🙂 So much relatable!!

Maybe 2015 will be the year I escape my demons, my ex and get myself out there and meeting new people and looking. And possibly finding. Possibly 🙂

Get through. That is my current motto. Just get through.

I have returned to the gym! Yay me. It helps the mind I think. The mind and the body. My ass is looking better and less saggy!! Haha Booyah!! I guess this is helping the self issues. All the goddamn self issues!

I think I really need to start using this as a regular outlet – like I said, plenty of swirly things happening in my head. The extra, really lost sensation has returned and getting it all out and writing it down might help me make some sense. Find a direction, a path, a way.

I can’t keep going like this – the end point will not be pretty. It’s all very well to take time out to figure shit, but there comes a point – usually financial – where decisions have to be made. I’ve been very indulgent with my life of late and need to decide on things, one way or another.

 

Mental Health

I have been thinking a lot about mental health this year. It has never really been on my radar to be honest. I have not experienced it. Not known anyone with it. It had not penetrated my naive, closed-in little world.

Until two things happened.

I had my little anxiety career hiccup thingy (see previous post) and I joined twitter and met some very amazing and wonderful people who deal with it on a daily basis, either managing it, attempting to manage it or helping others manage it.

I was referred to a counsellor by my GP at the start of the year to rule out depression. She reiterated a number of times that there is nothing wrong with getting external help when required, despite there being a stigma attached to it. It got me thinking about how its sad that she had to “sell” it to me this way. Do most people feel ashamed, embarrassed, weak when its suggested they see a counsellor or psychologist? I guess so, if GP’s need to approach their referrals in this manner.

So that happened. I had 6 sessions. Nothing special to note. I have anxiety issues – nothing I didn’t already know. Im not sure it was for me. But its there. If I ever need it again.

The other thing, as mentioned, that got me thinking about mental illness was joining twitter and meeting new people. Im not going to go into specifics, as its not my place. I just want to chat a little about the impact it has had on me.

I have been sheltered from mental illness. Grew up in a small country town, not many people, all good country folk. I guess if there was any mental health issues around, they would have been swept under the rug. But a whole new world opened up. Of course there were touching stories. And of course I wanted to help. But of course, Im no professional. I felt out of my depth. I was stressed. I felt helpless and hopeless, feeling sad for myself and my situation but wanting to support others, who were dealing with issues 1000x worse than my little identity crisis. All I could do was offer an ear. And in a way, it helped me, as it took my mind off my own issues! Haha

Both of these events have had major impacts on my life this year and have definitely piqued my interest. In a way, they’ve led to my return to study and choosing psychology as a path to follow. Well, for now, anyway.

I am not going to ramble on about this all day. It is just an interest in my life at the moment and something which I have so much to learn about and how to deal with. Full admiration goes to anyone dealing with this, in any way, shape or form.

To be continued…..