So I tutor. Students. After school and on Saturdays. I was contacted by a tutoring company, offered a job and given clients. I am classified as a ‘subcontractor’. I get a flat $30 an hour, but looking on their website, some clients pay $70 an hour for their tutoring session!
I was told they will OFFER me clients up to 45 minutes away from home. I have been GIVEN students – not OFFERED. I have to claim petrol etc. I travel 30/40 minutes for some jobs. I hate travelling.
From about six pays, two have been messed up. To be fair, not entirely their fault, but still.
I don’t really like the people who hired me – they seem a bit ‘dodgy’ almost. I’m not sure why I think this. I have nothing substantial to back this up. Just a gut feeling. You know?
After this happened, I advertised and got some private clients. Closer to me, which I charge more money for.
Consequently I am a bit overloaded with clients, casual teaching and university and so what Im wondering, is why I feel unable to tell them I want to drop the furtherest away clients. I have no contract that says I have to stay. I think it is my own fear of being judged by them and my desire to want to do good by everyone else.
I really really really just want to be selfish, do good for ME and be more ruthless in looking after myself, without the after feelings of guilt and feeling like I have let people down.
I started reflecting on this and how it seems to happen a lot. I have managed to work myself up into a real state over it. I hate feeling trapped and stuck – if I stay with my company clients, I am doing the ‘right’ thing by the company – who, lets be honest, I don’t really owe anything to. More importantly, I am also letting the children and their parents down. But if I ask to drop some clients, I feel guilty that I have let them down and what will they think of me? I cant seem to win. I feel shit whichever route I decide to take.
I do this far too often – I have decisions to make and either alternative will end up making me feel horrible. Am I being too nice? Is this normal? Do people have this dilemma running through their heads every time they need to make a decision?
I emailed them earlier and explained my thoughts. They rang me. I didn’t answer. I’m currently debating whether I can be bothered in dealing with it today or wait until tomorrow. If I wait, it will sit with me all night. I’m already feeling sick and angry at the world. Grrrrrr
Do I ring them back and be assertive and strong and just say, ‘too bad. Im dropping those clients’. More than likely, I will ring them back and allow them to talk me into keeping things as they are and have no time for my private clients Yes, that seems the likely scenario.